11 Ways to Handle Conflict With a Direct Report
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Some of the most successful companies have a reputation for having high-conflict environments.
Take Amazon for example:
In response to an article depicting life working at Amazon, a former database administrator for Amazon Web Services shared a glimpse into her unfavorable experience: “I would start crying on Sunday nights and my husband devoted countless hours to listening to my stories about my work days”. Another former Amazonian wrote, “Amazon was the most toxic work environment I have ever seen.” Within the workplace, do you know who are at the forefront of managing these types of conflicts?
The direct managers.
A major component of a manager’s responsibilities is to help remove any barriers that prevent the team from being successful. This includes providing conflict resolution.
According to the National Institutes of Health,
“Conflict is associated with significant cost to organizations. In the study of employees from nine countries, the average number of hours spent per week on workplace conflict varied from 0.9 to 3.3 hours. In the United States, the average was 2.8 hours.3 The calculated expense based on average hourly earnings in 2008 was $359 billion in lost time. High rates of employee turnover and absenteeism are associated with environments where conflict is poorly managed.”
Managers need to effectively manage conflict in order to increase the chances for team success.
Disagreements are inevitable despite how compatible and harmonious a team may be. Reports are highly capable of resolving issues between themselves. However, there will be moments where a manager must be involved. Managers often step in to be the mediator or ultimately be the decision maker if the reports can’t come to an agreement.
But what happens when there is conflict between managers and their direct reports?
The goal is to address the issue as soon as possible. Don’t let tensions continue to rise to the point where the situation develops into a larger issue.
Conflict resolution versus negotiation
There are similar aspects between conflict resolution and negotiation:
There are two parties with differing values.
Information asymmetry is at play, meaning one side holds more knowledge than the other (usually the manager).
Both parties have the potential to walk away with a win. It requires both parties to find common ground by sharing information and actively listening.
The difference: one scenario requires the use of persuasion, leave those skills at the door for the other.
The goal is not to convince or debate. The goal is to come up with the optimal solution by:
Understanding the other’s viewpoint.
Recognizing what points needs to be addressed.
Coming up with an effective plan to overcome this roadblock.
Steps to move towards a resolution
Handling conflict between you and a direct report requires you to take a slightly different approach. Here’s what you need to do:
Resolve conflicts privately. If possible, keep it between you and the report, first. Don’t involve a third-party right away unless absolutely necessary.
Keep in mind: there’s an imbalance of power. Consciously or not, reports most likely will not fully disclose their thoughts. Preventing you from knowing all the details you may be the only power they have over you. Be patient. Be prepared to ask open ended questions.
Self-awareness. Understand how your body and mind automatically responds to certain words or actions to help you gain control of your reactions. Think about the following:
What biases do you have?
What are your triggers?
Signs you’re triggered or agitated
Are there any outside influences on your mood or thoughts?
Do you have any assumptions that need to be cleared?
Understand the issue at hand. Ask yourself:
What is the crux of the conflict?
Is this issue worth addressing?
What level of impact or significance does this conflict have on me, the other party, the team?
What’s the potential impact if it’s not resolved?
Is it a case of a misunderstanding from poor communication? Or a matter of differing opinions?
Do you have a personal attachment in any way?
Walk into the conversation with this mindset:
The goal is to learn, not win. This is not a debate. You are not trying to persuade the other party.
Use your active listening skills.
Put yourself in their shoes. Or imagine if your best friend was in the report’s shoes. How would you feel? What would you do or think? What would you tell them?
Find common ground. People often share a common goal; they just have different views on the right path to get there.
Openly discuss between you and the report:
What are the takeaways?
What can you do better?
What do you need from them?
Take a break and revisit the conversation, if needed. Sometimes it’s best to step away from the situation to gather your thoughts first.
If you can’t come to a solution after the steps above, it might be time to:
Have a mutual third-party mediate.
If it’s appropriate, have HR step in.
If you’re really not sure what to do, don’t be afraid to seek help. Chances are another manager within or outside of the organization has dealt with a similar situation. They might be able to offer some advice or share a new perspective you weren’t considering. If need be, you could even consider a conflict management coach. Find out what works best for you and your team to effectively resolve conflicts and get back to succeeding as a team!
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