21 Powerful Tips on How to Have Difficult Conversations with Employees
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As a manager or HR professional, you’ll have an employee whose performance or behavior warrants feedback and improvement.
If you’re dreading that conversation, you’re not alone. Criticizing others is hard to do. Here are surefire tips on how to have that conversation go smoothly.
Confrontation is Hard
Admit that giving feedback is tough.
Acknowledge that it’s not pleasant for the employee either.
It’s okay, for either party, to take a timeout.
Keep the conversation focused. Watch out for tangents that can deflect from the main message or derail the conversation.
Don’t rush it. Don’t make it so brief that you come across as callous or formal. Also beware of letting the feedback session drag out for too long too.
Don’t be afraid of silence or emotions. Having time to process is important, especially if information is a surprise or hard to digest.
Don’t forget to collaborate. When delivering tough messages, we often forget to collaborate with the recipient. Allow for them to express their emotions, and if appropriate, find ways to brainstorm an action plan together.
We Hate Criticizing Others
Don’t be afraid to be the bad guy. The employee may badmouth with their co-workers and friends. Resist you need for self-affirmation. By telling the employee the hard truth, your company will benefit in the long run.
Don’t get defensive. Doing so makes your message appear weak and harder to accept.
Get the facts. Having objective data and concrete examples is better than relying on opinions. You’ll feel more empowered delivering the message if your assertions are backed by facts.
Set expectations. Many behavioral and performance issues are due to unclear expectations. Set clear expectations. Then abide by those expectations. When others see that what you do is consistent with what you say then the gossip will subside, and you and your actions will be viewed as fair and just.
Resist manipulation. Turn away any efforts by the employee the manipulate and prey on your desire to be liked including statements like “You never liked me,” or “Everyone hates working with you,” or “I will make you pay for this.”
Be Fair
Make decisions on facts. If there’s a performance improvement plan involved, make sure you’re making the decision based on facts.
Refer to precedents. If your decision is consistent with how you’ve acted in the past, it’ll feel more fair.
Don’t assume you’re fair. What may seem reasonable to you may not be to someone else. Find a trusted person to give feedback on the message and approach.
Don’t be a friend.
Preparing for the Unknown
Role play. Practice difficult conversations with a confidant. It’ll help you maintain your composure when delivering tricky sections, anticipate reactions and follow-up questions, and practice particularly sensitive messages.
Trust your gut. Don’t second guess your instincts. If you feel like something needs to be said, you’re probably right. By second guessing the need to say something, you’re increasing the likelihood of sweeping the issue under the rug, robbing you and the recipient an opportunity to share important information.
Don’t expect to have all the answers. You might be unprepared for the recipient’s reaction. Don’t be fazed. It’s okay to ask for a break. You can collect your thoughts and emotions and pick up the conversation later.
Be calm and poised. Emotions can intensify the situation unnecessarily. Remain even keeled throughout the feedback session.
Embrace the opportunity. You don’t know where the conversation will lead. But embrace it. It’s a chance for you to share valuable feedback, improve your ability to deliver feedback, and enhance the employee’s performance or behavior.
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