How to Tailor Your Feedback to a Co-Worker's Personality
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Start with a healthy emotional bank account
Dr. Stephen R. Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, writes about the importance of emotional bank accounts.
What is an emotional bank account, you may ask? An emotional bank account is a metaphor for one person’s relationship with another, focused on trust. It's how safe you feel with another person.
Everyday we are making deposits and withdrawals from those trust accounts. The goal is to build enough trust that when we need to make a withdrawal, we don’t fracture a relationship. This point is especially important for managers; miss this point and you will find a resignation letter on your desk come Monday morning.
Sounds easy, right? Unfortunately, not so much.
Even if you take a proactive approach of sitting down with a person (employee, peer, friend, supervisor) to understand how they “tick,” I’m afraid you will leave that conversation more confused than when you began.
Are you self-aware? Probably not.
Tasha Eurich, a data scientist, did a TED Talk about her five-year research study to understand self-awareness. Her conclusion was eye-opening. She found that 95% believe they are self-aware but only 15% people actually are. In other words, 80% of people don’t understand what their needs are or how they impact others around them. Echoing a 2018 Forbes article, self-awareness is the the first step of becoming a great leader.
Behavioral assessments help us understand others
Lucky for us, we have access to personality and behavioral tests. These tests have been around for over a hundred years, and they have come a long way. My favorite is the Predictive Index’s (PI) Behavioral Assessment. It is a short two question 6-minute survey, and the results are accurate. So accurate that it seems shockingly scary. PI’s Behavioral Assessment measures four basic human drives;
Dominance: the drive to exert influence on people or events
Extraversion: the drive for social interaction with other people
Patience: the drive to have consistency and stability
Formality: the drive to conform to rules and structure
Using PI’s framework, we can tailor our feedback to an individual, staring with high and low dominance personalities:
How to tailor feedback for high vs. low dominance colleagues
High Dominance: These people problem solve independently. Unless they ask for help, allow them to figure it out. They like competition, so challenge them frequently. Focus on big picture feedback as high dominance individuals are very independent.
Low Dominance: This person is your ultimate team player; collaboration is the name of their game. But they need reassurance that they are on the right path. They want to help, and they need harmony. Keep feedback calm and constructive.
How to tailor feedback for high vs. low extroversion colleagues
High Extroversion: These are your social butterflies; social acceptance is a major part of their hard-wiring. Give feedback in private. Criticize this person in public, and you will destroy their motivation. But praise them in public, and they will run through walls for you.
Low Extroversion: These are the introverts; welcome them into the room. They are slow to trust and hate office politics. Feedback needs to be focused on the facts. Leave gut feelings and other fluff out.
How to tailor feedback for high vs. low patience colleagues
High Patience: These people seek stability and process. For these folks, keeping their environment free from changing priorities is the key. Feedback should be within the context of improving a process. They must understand the “why.” Telling them to hurry up will get you nowhere; steady wins the race.
Low Patience: These people feed off of pressure. Change is their friend. As a matter of fact, they need it. If they fall into a routine, they will become bored and disengaged. If they don’t have multiple priorities, they can procrastinate. Feedback needs to be sharp, quick and to the point. They want to move on to the next thing.
How to tailor feedback for high vs. low formality colleagues
High Formality: These folks say “YES!” to detail, rules, and structure. Setting clear expectations is a like a warm hug from an old friend. Ambiguity is the enemy. These people are constantly concerned about criticism so keep feedback specific.
Low Formality: Rules? What rules? Rules are more like suggestions for these people. Ambiguity is their friend. When giving feedback, use generalizations instead of specifics.
Here’s one last thought for you: the Golden Rule is all about “treating others the way you want to be treated.” In this case, tailor feedback for others and perhaps others will tailor feedback for you.
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