The Social Contract Approach: How to Deliver Effective Workplace Feedback and Discovering Your Employee’s Ideal Feedback Style
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The problem with workplace feedback
Feedback is a sensitive thing.
Feedback is interpreted by most as something that went wrong. People don't like to be wrong.
Therefore, a boss shouldn't expect recipients to welcome feedback with open arms.
How you can make feedback more acceptable for the recipient
My friend, Dui, shares a way that makes feedback easier to swallow: social contracts.
HBR defines social contract as “an explicit agreement that lays out the ground rules for team members’ behaviors.”
Here’s an example of a social contract for feedback:
Person A
I am most influenced by verbal feedback one-on-one.
I prefer immediate and direct feedback.
I am motivated by feedback that helps me correct the issue at hand and continue working strong.
You can see how this is valuable. First, it sets expectations on how the person would like feedback delivered. Second, it implicitly identifies what they don’t like. Lastly, it creates a commitment to receive feedback, especially if it follows the parameters that’s outlined.
How to request social contracts for feedback
As a manager, it’s easy to do social contracts. Email and ask your directs, “How would you like to receive feedback?” Attach examples for their reference.
How to interpret next step to-dos from social contracts
After receiving the responses, it’s not always clear on what managers should do with the provided information. Let’s go through three examples:
Person A
What the employee wrote
I am most influenced by verbal feedback one-on-one.
I prefer immediate and direct feedback.
I am motivated by feedback that helps me correct the issue at hand and continue working strong.
Lewis’ commentary
The most important piece of information is the last bullet point: This person wants the manager to be prescriptive. This wis difficult. Most managers can easily articulate what the problem is. Fewer managers can articulate why it’s a problem. But fixing the problem is very difficult. Most managers don’t know how to fix problems. And they don’t want to suggest something that doesn’t work.
In this case, the manager can take three approaches:
Brainstorm with a fellow manager. Get their thoughts on how your direct report can resolve the problem.
Brainstorm your own. It’s tougher, but doable.
Ask the direct report to research their own plan. This will be more frustrating for your direct report because it requires more effort and time. And they might get the impression that you might already have a solution, when you don’t.
Person B
What the employee wrote
I like a combination of positive feedback, what I’m doing well, and to learn about areas where I can improve. I do like having time to process constructive feedback.
I prefer to receive feedback in written form or in person 1:1. If it’s constructive feedback, I prefer that to be 1:1 unless it’s feedback for the whole group, then I like hearing that in a group setting so we can brainstorm and discuss solutions. I like receiving positive feedback anytime, anywhere!
I feel motivated when I learn that I’ve been helpful or made an impact! I also feel motivated when I learn about how I’ve improved from previous feedback.
Lewis’ commentary
Reading between the lines, this person is very sensitive to negative feedback. By nature, they thrive on affirmation and crave validation.
Bad managers adapt to the oversensitive by avoiding feedback altogether. However, that’s not productive. It’s unfair to others on your team. It also creates a culture of withholding information.
Person B does strongly imply that feedback is easier to swallow by giving them time to process it.
Busy managers may feel it’s tedious or unconventional to give person B written feedback first, but that’s exactly what they should do here. Doing so will give this person time to process their emotions. Then the manager should follow up with a discussion several days later. Hopefully by that point the emotions are resolved, and the employee is ready to have a constructive discussion.
Person C
What the employee wrote
I receive feedback best when it is presented in a manner that isn’t accusatory. I like for the situation to be presented to me and then you allow me to explain my side of the story, then give me feedback.
I prefer feedback to be in written form so I can pause and collect my thoughts and respond accordingly.
I tend to self-correct when I receive constructive feedback, as in, I’ll apologize for my mistake (if warranted) and suggest what I should have done instead, and what I will do moving forward. If you don’t see me improving, please call it out.
Lewis’ commentary
This is another case where one has to read between the lines.
Long story short: person C often feels they’re misunderstood. In other words, they’re the rebel or black sheep of the group. As a result, person C often feels that negative feedback is unfair and unjust.
For managers who can’t read between the lines, they’ll take this description and think person C is capable of doing the right thing including apologizing and correcting the mistake. Person C’s peers would say this person rarely apologizes or corrects mistakes — primarily because they rarely think they’re wrong.
In a situation like this, managers must use the words, “I observed you doing this. Was that intentional?” The reason this is so poweful is that:
It’s not accusatory. You’re simply sharing an observation.
It invites them to share their story.
Both of these benefits are exactly the allowances requested by the rebel. After they’ve shared their story, managers need to continue giving space to the rebel. An appropriate follow up question could be, “When you did X, how did that make Y feel?” In other words, let your rebel make their own conclusions. They hate it when others shove interpretations and conclusions down their throat. And they’ll have to suggest their own remedy, at which point you’ll have to hope that they’ll follow through on it. Because they’re unlikely to take commands and directives well.
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