Tough Love Approach to Dealing with Employees who Can’t Take Feedback
Optimize team management in minutes with ManageBetter. Start your free trial now and join Uber and Microsoft in boosting performance, gathering insights, and generating reviews—all AI-powered, no writing required.
Managers often encounter employees who can’t take feedback. This article explains an innovative method to increase an employee’s receptivity to feedback AND to help managers get the results they want.
Be forewarned, I call this tough love approach; this tactic is not for the faint of heart.
Why Feedback is Hard to Swallow
As managers, we shouldn’t be shocked when employees have trouble accepting feedback. Negative feedback is an attack on an employee’s ego. It’s only human to be upset or withdrawn. Emotions are a big part of who we are.
How Managers Contribute to Inaction
Here’s the problem with many managers: they don’t follow up after delivering feedback. As a result, the employees don’t demonstrate the results that they’re hoping for.
What Managers Should Consider: The Tough Love Approach
I have a client who uses a unique tactic with employees who can’t take feedback. I call it the tough love approach. First, he assesses the situation. Should the manager:
Should work collaboratively with the employee…to address the situation
Should not work collaboratively
Tough Love in Collaborative Scenarios
If it’s situation #1, then the manager would address the employee as follows:
I see that you’re upset about the feedback. However, part of your job responsibilities is to accept and act on feedback gracefully.
Do what you need to get better. If you’d like, I can give pointers on how to address this.
Tough Love in Non-Collaborative Scenarios
If it’s situation #2, then the manager would address the employee as follows:
It’s not my job to figure out how you can do better. It is part of your job responsibility is to figure out how, to take action, and to get the outcome that is required.
Why Tough Love Works
There are many reasons why this is an effective tactic:
No ambiguity. The instructions are clear, not vague. It’s not a wish, and it’s not a hope. Improvement is the intended goal.
Responsibility. The manager makes clear that the employee is taking ownership of the issue. The manager is not taking responsibility for the employee’s flaws and weaknesses. The manager may choose to help, but it’s optional.
Hint of consequences. The manager hints that if the improvement is not made there can be consequences including termination.
When to Collaborate with Employees on Feedback
Managers can only collaborate effectively on an area of improvement if they have:
Expertise
Time
Not every manager has these luxuries. Hence, it’s perfectly acceptable for managers to tell employees that they must invest their own time or gain the appropriate knowledge to overcome their weaknesses on their own.
Sharpen Your Leadership Edge: Join 3,000+ executives receiving weekly, actionable insights from industry experts. Subscribe free to The Thoughtful Leader and elevate your team's performance.
