14 Funny Ways to Respond to Feature Requests

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Are you inundated with product feature requests? It doesn’t matter if you’re an engineer, designer, or product manager, here are 14 funny ways to respond to feature requests.

Unleash process hell

• Do you want to write a user story for it?

• Why don’t you add it as an agenda item to the next QPS meeting? I’m sorry your topic got bumped. We can always discuss it next quarter.

• If you could get the engineering resources, I’ll gladly PM it for you.

Pretend to embrace science

• What does the data say? No data? No feature for you.

Banish into the blackhole

• Sure, I’ll add it to the product roadmap.

• Ok, I’ll create a JIRA ticket.

Use customers a shield

• Did you talk to any customers?

• Let’s discuss it at the annual customer advisory board meeting.

Invoke authority

• Let me ask the CEO.

• I need to consult with engineering.

Blame it on engineering (or the bogeyman)

• I asked engineering, and they said it wasn’t doable.

• I asked engineering, and they’re backlogged.

• The next handful of sprints are earmarked for tech debt. Next year is the soonest we’re doing new feature work.

• We could build it, but privacy and compliance would block the launch.

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