"How Are You Doing?" : Get Meaningful Answers in Your One-On-One Meetings
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How many times have you struck up a conversation with someone and the first thing you say is “How are you doing?” And how many times has the other person responded “Fine. How about you?”. This common phrase is used so often but most of the time does not produce meaningful responses or insights.
In the context of a one-on-one meeting, asking “How are you doing?” does have a legitimate purpose. Managers should be interested in the lives, wellbeing and engagement of their employees and should seek to learn more about those aspects from each individual. However, falling into a routine of simply asking broad, sweeping questions can be counterproductive.
Here are the best ways to get meaningful answers from your employees when asking about them during a one-on-one meeting.
1. Resist the urge to ask (right away)
Don’t immediately open with "How areyou doing?" or "How's it going?"
It is almost a force of habit to use these questions to kick off a meeting, but they may actually lead to insincere or rushed responses. Leading with such questions puts your employee on the spot and makes them feel like they have to say something - anything - to fill the gap and respond.
Instead, start with some small talk. Having a lighthearted intro to ease you both into the meeting agenda may help to warm up your direct report and get the conversation flowing naturally.
Here are some examples of ways to start the meeting without directly asking “How are you doing?”
"Good morning! Did you see the donuts that Nora brought in?”
“How was traffic on your way in today?”
“I tried that new coffee shop over the weekend and the macchiato was really good."
“The weather has been so nice this week, I hope it lasts!”
2. Make the meeting more informal / personal
The expectation of formality my cause an employee to be more reserved.
When you call an employee into your office for a 1:1 and set up an agenda of things to cover, questions to ask, it can start to feel like a more formal type of meeting.
Consider switching things up every now and then. Have coffee together, go for a walk or meet for lunch and incorporate the one-on-one into these activities. A more relaxed environment can help your employee feel comfortable and encourage them to open up more than they might in a strictly business setting.
3. Vary up the question, be specific:
Here are some questions you could pose in place of the standard:
"What's going on in your life?"
"How are things at home?"
"How do you feel right now?"
“What are your thoughts?”
"How are you finding things?"
The more specific your question, the better chance there is your employee will be able to respond thoughtfully and accurately.
4. Give them an alternative
Employees might better express themselves with other prompts
Some people just don’t know what to say to a question like “How are you doing?” Try helping them along by inquiring about
things in a different way.
“Rate this week on a scale of 1-5.”
“Tell me one thing you are proud of today.”
“Give some praise and constructive criticism regarding your team.”
5. Listen and learn
Employees will be reassured by the knowledge that you are attentively listening to them
Active listening is one of the most important skills for a manager to master in order to increase their effectiveness in one-on-one meetings. Don't feel that you need to dominate the discussion or rigorously follow a set agenda. Let your employee bring up areas of interest or subjects that are important to them.
If you notice the conversation gravitating towards their concern about a process inefficiency that is blocking them, ask more questions to follow up on that issue and try to fully explore it. As you listen to what your direct report says, repeat key parts back to clarify and show that you are absorbing the information.
6. Be aware of the sincerity of their answer
Employees might be vague or tell you what you want to hear to avoid rocking the boat.
If you feel your direct report is giving generic answers or not being completely truthful, try asking more probing questions. Explain why you are asking a particular question and how valuable you think it is to find out what's really on the employee's mind.
This could also be a sign that you haven't developed the level of trust necessary to get candid feedback from your report. Put more work into building the relationship and send a clear message that these one-on-one meetings are a safe space for both of you to be open and honest.
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