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Performance review season is here.

We at ManageBetter thought you could use a mood-booster. So we surveyed 30,000 employees across the globe on the craziest things they have seen on a performance review.

We spent hours picking our favorite ones. See which ones made the list.

Your jaw may just drop.

#1 Along for the ride and not complaining.

My quarterly review was due in October 2017. My manager hasn’t said a word; she keeps deleting the automated reminders.

Almost three years later, she hasn’t set a single goal or given an ounce of feedback.

At least the bonuses and raises keep coming in. 😂

- Anonymous

#2 What does this mean?

Officer <last name withheld> has the personality of a dishrag.

- Metropolitan Police Department in the District of Columbia

#3 This could have been worded better.

His head is so hollow you can hear an echo.

- BTN in Houston

#4 Hospitalization and skipping work. Same thing, right?

I had pneumonia last year, and my manager wrote on my performance review that I was lazy.

- Sopharma in Bulgaria

#5 Focus on the company name.

Did not up-sell enough Christmas cards during November!

- Hallmark Cards, Inc. in Phoenix

#6 This manager’s suggestion won’t work. For many reasons.

A “shot of tequila” would improve my personality.

I don’t drink alcohol due to health reasons.

- G.D.S. in Philadelphia

#7 This is why we have the #MeToo movement.

A male manager instructed a female subordinate to wear more "attractive" clothing if she wanted to advance.

- JP Morgan in Dallas

#8 A coffee a day keeps criticism away.

Often late but brings Starbucks for office staff.

Qualifies for raise.

- Genesis Healthcare in Bowling Green

#9 No need to follow orders.

Generally hostile and uncooperative. 10/10. Should promote.

- Boy Scouts in Louisville

#10 Ouch.

Stop running over co-workers’ feet (with a forklift).

- Walmart in USA

#11 Fashionista to the max.

A manager asked an employee to stop discussing his undergarments.

He had the habit of showing the bands of his underpants and remarking that they match his ties.

- LFS Realty in USA

#12 You go first. I’ll follow.

A manager wrote that I need to be transferred to Greenland.

Our company doesn’t have any offices in Greenland.

- Microsoft in Nigeria

And lastly,

#13 Well, this shouldn’t happen.

Let me know if you want to go on a date.

- JPMorgan Chase Bank in New York City

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13 Crazy Things Managers Wrote on a Performance Review (2020 Edition)